February 2012
1 post
Oh, Ladies.
Leggings, tights, and yoga pants are not pants.
That said, keep up the good work.
January 2012
1 post
Secularity.
Remember: if you root for Jesus today, it’s unpatriotic.
October 2011
4 posts
Right Click, Delete.
Crap. Not you, Mr. Jobs. Just the self-aggrandizing, trivial culture you created. May your exorbitant yet brilliantly-marketed products remain in the right hands forever.
August 2011
1 post
Moody's Baby Blues 6/13/11
It’s no secret amongst those who could give a flying fuck about my taste in art and recreation - I have an affinity for ragging on hipsters, and Californication. For a fledgling angel in the city, two proverbial birds flew into the range of a true-aimed stone today.
I arrived on set early today. Commendable for anyone conducting themselves professionally. However, punctuality with the...
June 2011
1 post
Tired Gay Jokes Put To Rest!!! →
At last! We can finally focus on the lighter side of being gay - being fabulous.
May 2011
1 post
1 tag
What, me worry?
There will be no raptors today. Tell your parents I said so. Arrogant? Blasphemous? I’m a numbers guy, and they haven’t come back in over 65 million years. So sleep in, sleep with thy neighbor’s wife, but most importantly, sleep with me.
April 2011
1 post
March 2011
1 post
A Liar and a Whore
I was primed upon arrival. Ready to go 12 rounds with America’s Playground. I had all night to accrue all the cheap thrills a hundred dollar bill could buy. While my enthusiasm has endured, my endurance has waned.
A mere four hours in, my winnings were paltry, my eyelids heavy. Was it really only 4:30 a.m.? Fuck it. Time to call it. First things first - a full stomach to sleep on. ...
February 2010
1 post
Ask Me About My Love Life
…and here’s my usual jerk-off reply. Take the girls I’ve dated or bedded in the last decade and put them in a room (for the sake of machismo, let’s make it a conference room). Let me tell just one lame joke about the male member. Let it be about mine specifically. Roll on snare drum and cue the uproarious yet unwarranted laughter. Now freeze. In the crowd of receptive...
December 2009
1 post
Dear (her name here),
I finally get it. Your caveat was fair and ahead of time. You’re dark and damaged. You hurt people. That’s what you do. Good for you. Bad for me.
Yet you still have the benefit of my doubt. There are still reaches of my belief that refuse to yield. You are more than you want to give away. I’m well aware that you can go the rest of your life completely impenetrable. ...
November 2009
4 posts
Good for you, Chris.
Now here’s a story that can only be told in an entire blog post. I am an aspiring bartender. While the other kids were barreling down those urine-stained slabs of metal into suspiciously clumped together sand, I was thinking big while hanging upside down from the monkey bars. I thought of downtown weekends. I couldn’t wait to absorb the booze on yet another discontented...
XXX
1995 - a shift in focus from athletics, academia, and other scholastic drivel to girls and the pursuit of sex. All that locker room chatter about chicks was no longer a matter of high fives and primitive grunts. Perhaps there was a touch of artistry to hallway pick-up lines and back alley make out trysts that couldn’t be learned in Sex Ed class.
Circa college graduation and beyond - the...
Anti Ante Meridiem
Lovers of sunrises-line up, pucker up, and kiss my black ass. From the wrong side of the bed, the daylight that’s ignoring my blanket drapes is as welcome as a tumor on my testicles. I hear Alaska is pleasant this time of year.
To everyone who just revved their engines-have a good day at work, honey. Don’t mind my incessant whining over my inability to wake up to a steady job or...
shame on me
I hate you. Don’t read this. Hate yourself. You’re still reading. This contempt will only be amplified exponentially if you’re reading this on your phone/camera/music player/internet device/water cooler conversation piece. Look at yourself. You’re clinging to it like a block of Afghanistan’s finest black tar junkie juice. For fuck’s sake, don’t drop...